faith that it will all work out

When birthing a painting, do all artists have the same experience?  I like to believe that even the Masters had the same pet rats that I do.   I hear them with their noisy chatter from the small, dark places in my head...

 "this might not work out for the best this time"

"you don't know what you're doing"

"this wont resonate with anyone"

"quit. now. before you embarrass yourself. again"

Day four of the drawing phase.  I had just started blocking in the first few cranes.  It took me two weeks to block in all of the cranes and draw the strings.  I loved every single minute of it and the days flew by like a dream.

Day four of the drawing phase.  I had just started blocking in the first few cranes.  It took me two weeks to block in all of the cranes and draw the strings.  I loved every single minute of it and the days flew by like a dream.

But somewhere in my head there is a place of light where a little bird sings "Have faith my dear. Keep going. Stay on course.  What you are doing matters."    Maybe I've worked on the optimism thing just enough to believe it because I'm still here.  Working every day.

This painting.  What a monumental task it has been.  I keep at it because it's about Cancer.  I will not forget that I saw Cancer happen, in real life and real time to a real soul that I loved so, so much. And I kinda think this painting is allowing her to keep on spreading her big love on this little planet even though I don't see her anymore.  So it is:  Faith has evolved and is being what it wants to be--in a painting that one day will talk without me.

Week 3.  I am adding the first layers of color and blocking in the cranes with white.  I started to worry about the flatness of the piece at this point but loved finally having some sharp contrast.

Week 3.  I am adding the first layers of color and blocking in the cranes with white.  I started to worry about the flatness of the piece at this point but loved finally having some sharp contrast.

Tomorrow is Monday fun day again.  The boys go back to school and I go back to the studio. It will be a big day because I'll be adding more orange to the background (which I like to call The Behind) before I move back over to the cranes again.  As always, before I start, I will bless the painting, pray "not my will but Yours" and move on to having faith that it will all work out. 

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.
― C. JoyBell C.