When birthing a painting, do all artists have the same experience? I like to believe that even the Masters had the same pet rats that I do. I hear them with their noisy chatter from the small, dark places in my head...
"this might not work out for the best this time"
"you don't know what you're doing"
"this wont resonate with anyone"
"quit. now. before you embarrass yourself. again"
But somewhere in my head there is a place of light where a little bird sings "Have faith my dear. Keep going. Stay on course. What you are doing matters." Maybe I've worked on the optimism thing just enough to believe it because I'm still here. Working every day.
This painting. What a monumental task it has been. I keep at it because it's about Cancer. I will not forget that I saw Cancer happen, in real life and real time to a real soul that I loved so, so much. And I kinda think this painting is allowing her to keep on spreading her big love on this little planet even though I don't see her anymore. So it is: Faith has evolved and is being what it wants to be--in a painting that one day will talk without me.
Tomorrow is Monday fun day again. The boys go back to school and I go back to the studio. It will be a big day because I'll be adding more orange to the background (which I like to call The Behind) before I move back over to the cranes again. As always, before I start, I will bless the painting, pray "not my will but Yours" and move on to having faith that it will all work out.